Proverbs #3

Rivers flow with water
Arteries flow with blood
Life flows with achieved desire

Conversations #2

Another Conversation About My Hair

from 'My Sister Is Mad At Me'

It didn't start with the hair thing, but it is something worth writing about because I feel strongly about it. What happened was I hadn't combed my hair after swimming in P.E. I didn't comb it because I don't function as a person based on my appearance. My appearance barely aids my self-worth and does not really affect how I talk to people, so whether it is combed or not, it doesn't bother me. Now, my sister bothered me about my hair in the car. Saying that I looked “homeless.” I simply told her that it does not bother me.  The conversation went a bit like this:

“Comb your hair, you look homeless.”

“Why does this matter? It doesn't bother me.”

“That doesn't matter, it looks terrible.”

Now here is right about where I encountered my first problem, “that doesn't matter.” It does matter, because I am the one who made the decision that lead to this very discussion, so logically how I feel matters. This where emotions are put in play so they go hand in hand with rationality. If emotion is relevant to a topic, then it may play a part.

“You cannot dismiss my thoughts, otherwise talking would be irrelevant.”

“Just comb your hair. Full stop.”

“It is combed most of the time, I see no problem if at the end of the day, where no problem arises from having my hair uncombed, that it can be left uncombed.

“You have to look decent.”

“To whom? Why must I be put in the box that society has imposed on us? I refuse to support being subjected to the idea of importance of appearance. Why must people look at me, as a person as a whole, based solely on whether my hair is combed or not?”

“The world is like that, you just have to accept it and comb your hair?”

“So we must justify ignorance?”

“Just comb your hair.”

Second problem. I was being ignored. The basis of the ignorance? The unwritten law that I MUST have my hair combed. Yes, let’s JUST accept things as they are.

“What you are saying is, that nothing should have been done when Germany attacked Poland?”

“No, you just have to comb your hair. It shows lack of self-worth when you do that.”

Third problem. This means that people who don't have a nice appearance have poor self-esteem. That is a lie. People who can't afford good clothes don't necessarily feel bad about who they are, they just feel bad about the fact that they can't afford good clothes.

“That, my sister just shows how self-conscious you are if you believe that. I'm assuming, based on what you have said, that everyone who has bad hair feels worthless in life. Clearly because I have chosen not to comb my hair I have very low self-esteem.

Evidenced by that fact that I am consistently called arrogant and because I am able to assert myself, which leads our parents to believe I am argumentative.

You should think of women who get breast implants and the debate surrounding that.”

“So what if mama takes us somewhere, what if she takes us to her office or or Auntie Ludo's house? What would they think of our mother?

“Isn't that up to the people? Why should they think that I'm a terrible child and that my mother is terrible, solely based on my hair? Is a child abused at home simply because they break their arm because they took their fun too far?”

“But people see us based on you as well! Do you know how many times my friends tell me that my brother is untidy because of his hair?”

“Repeat that sentence. Did you hear that? You said they say your brother is untidy. Not you, not my mother, your brother.”

“That still doesn't matter.”

Second problem again. No matter how good my rebuttals and counter-arguments were I would be consistently ignored. Perhaps it was because I am younger. One of the curses of African society. There's even a saying about it. 'The young know nothing. They learn from the old.' I wonder, if Russia and the United States were about to nuke each other over something ridiculous, like whether Britain likes the color red more than blue (red is better). Then a child says something like “Maybe we shouldn't bomb each other and ask Britain what they prefer.” I'm guessing if you replace the countries with Botswana, South Africa and Zimbabwe that the child would be aptly ignored and we would have a bigger nuclear crisis since The Cold War. Somehow, I think this has happened somewhere in the world.

“Do you know of how women in extremist Islamic countries are abused? Because they lack freedom! This is me expressing my freedom without remorse! Right now you are Germany and I am Poland. You ignore everything I say with 'it doesn't matter.' Is it right to ignore what I am saying? Is it right to encourage the ignorance of basing everything on appearance? Should we just let Apartheid in South Africa? Ignore those who are 'different?' I refuse to be put in a box. I refuse to be stigmatized because of my hair. My hair has not affected my social interactions, my academic experiences. It does not bother me. I didn't expect you of all people to be like this and ignore the rights of an individual.”

This is when my uncle intervened.

“So you want to pierce your nose and ears now?”

I don't understand adults. How they assume one thing after another from the smallest pieces of information, I do not get. I mean, why would I even want to pierce myself? But then again why would I not want to comb my hair? It is a similar situation, but that is a pretty far off assumption.

“No, I don't want to pierce myself. I have no interest for doing so, its not for me. If someone wants to do it though, they should be allowed to. If it doesn't bother them, then why should it bother anyone?”

Then my sister again.

“How does Germany or any other country have anything to do with your hair.”

No one seems to understand metaphors anymore. Maybe I should just be boringly descriptive with my speech.

“Metaphor.” I replied.

“Okay fine, look I'm glad you are protesting for woman's rights and that but comb your hair! It just shows that you can't handle having an afro.”

As much as I'd like to say I was protesting woman's rights, I wasn't.

For GOD'S SAKE.

METAPHOR.

METAPHOR.

M

E

T

A

P

H

O

R.

M-E-T-A-P-H-O-R.

METAPHOR.

And she can't be serious. I can't 'handle' an afro? Since when is an afro comparable to a dangerous firearm? You know what, I won't judge. It's probably a METAPHOR.

“I can handle an afro. That's why it is combed most of the time.”

“You need to be disciplined. You have no discipline whatsoever.”

“Yes, because writing at least one thing every day, doing my homework, posting on my blog, committing to do pushups in Karate, committing to the various other projects I do in my own time requires no discipline at all.”

“That isn't discipline.”

I will take my dictionary with me everywhere I go. I will take my dictionary with me everywhere I go. I will take my dictionary with me everywhere I go. I will take my dictionary with me everywhere I go.

“Define discipline. Because I am using the common definition. Since when is doing work. WORK. Since when is that not a sign of discipline?”

“You don't do chores, you don’t do...”

I edited what she said there. It was boring.

“You said I have no discipline at all. You didn't say that I do not have discipline in those areas. If you did, then what argument could I have countered with? Obviously that is true. Why I am arguing this point, about my hair, is because I don't appreciate being told to do something that encourages the ignorance of society (in this case, our obsession with appearance).”

My uncle decided to intervene again.

“You need to build up discipline to-”

Hold up.

Because I do work, write stories, and am working to my goal to be a good author, I have no discipline and it needs to be built up? Yes I don't do chores, but at the very least I do something. They are plenty of kids who quite frankly, do shit. And you shout at me, despite the amount of times I've come back home with near-perfect scores on tests besides my language? Pupils who have received an award for first in class FIVE TIMES IN A ROW have no discipline?

Back again.

“You need to build up discipline to-”

You know what hold up again.

I get shouted at by my parents for reading AND writing. Doesn't that just KILL my discipline altogether? I'm surprised I haven't rebelled and started to defect from my religion.

Oh wait, I did both while still reading and writing. (With just a bit, a BIT of less reading.)

Back again.

“You need to build up discipline to-”

Hold up once again. I am beginning to get the sense that no one listens to the positive things that teachers have to say about me. Yes, I'm arrogant but I still get good grades and I'm not outwardly rude to the teachers unless I have to argue about something which I don't feel is right.

Back again.

“You need to build up discipline to be a better person. How are you going to go to work with hair like that? You will be fired.”

Then my sister added that:

“Are you going to wear jeans to work?”

Please, I've worn jeans to school.

“Whom may I ask the both of you is going to fire me at this current point in time?”

And of course there was silence.

Then my sister and came up with a point about my hair in Karate that is difficult to argue. They said I go with my hair uncombed to Karate. And Karate is all about discipline. Now at this point they still failed to realize the whole thing about discipline that I tried to tell them.

Here are my reasons why my hair doesn't matter at Karate, because I actually do Karate.

It's about:

self-worth (point made earlier)

strength (I'm not Solomon, so my hair doesn't have anything to do with my strength, physical or otherwise)

Discipline (who said it was in terms of appearance only?)

self-defense (I rarely get into fights anyways, and if I do, I pick them well)

My other two reasons, which aren't all that great, are:

It isn't called Hair-rate [chuckle-chuckle]

My sensei doesn't give a damn about my hair, he cares about how many pushups I can do, whether I'm a good student or not, if I can defend myself, which is kinda like the whole fucking point.

SO THERE.

Next time my hair uncombed, just know that it isn't because I have no self-esteem. It is because I really don't care how I look, so either worry about it and leave me alone, or get over it and don't judge me based solely on how I look. Judge me based on how many big words I use in a minute, that's what most people do anyways (please don't, that actually hurts me).

Oh and if my hair is uncombed it is probably because I'm too lazy to comb it (I just contradicted a page and a half's worth of the 'discipline' I was fighting for.

Proverbs #2

Dreams often remain dreams.
Reality always remains unchanged.
Merge your dreams with reality.

















This post is dedicated to Nandini 'Epic' Kochar, you are awesome....I think.

Proverbs #1

Rationality, while weaker than emotion, is a more controlled force.
Rationality is the gun that kills only the dictator.
Emotion is the bomb set off not only to kill the dictator, but also the innocent.