Another
Conversation About My Hair
from 'My Sister Is Mad At Me'
It
didn't start with the hair thing, but it is something worth writing about
because I feel strongly about it. What happened was I hadn't combed my hair
after swimming in P.E. I didn't comb it because I don't function as a person
based on my appearance. My appearance barely aids my self-worth and does not
really affect how I talk to people, so whether it is combed or not, it doesn't
bother me. Now, my sister bothered me about my hair in the car. Saying that I
looked “homeless.” I simply told her that it does not bother me. The conversation went a bit like this:
“Comb
your hair, you look homeless.”
“Why
does this matter? It doesn't bother me.”
“That
doesn't matter, it looks terrible.”
Now
here is right about where I encountered my first problem, “that doesn't
matter.” It does matter, because I am the one who made the
decision that lead to this very discussion, so logically how I feel matters.
This where emotions are put in play so they go hand in hand with
rationality. If emotion is relevant to a topic, then it may play a part.
“You
cannot dismiss my thoughts, otherwise talking would be irrelevant.”
“Just
comb your hair. Full stop.”
“It is
combed most of the time, I see no problem if at the end of the day, where no
problem arises from having my hair uncombed, that it can be left uncombed.
“You
have to look decent.”
“To
whom? Why must I be put in the box that society has imposed on us? I refuse to
support being subjected to the idea of importance of appearance. Why must
people look at me, as a person as a whole, based solely on whether my hair is
combed or not?”
“The
world is like that, you just have to accept it and comb your hair?”
“So we
must justify ignorance?”
“Just
comb your hair.”
Second
problem. I was being ignored. The basis of the ignorance? The unwritten law
that I MUST have my hair combed. Yes, let’s JUST accept things as
they are.
“What
you are saying is, that nothing should have been done when Germany attacked
Poland?”
“No,
you just have to comb your hair. It shows lack of self-worth when you do that.”
Third
problem. This means that people who don't have a nice appearance have poor
self-esteem. That is a lie. People who can't afford good clothes don't
necessarily feel bad about who they are, they just feel bad about the fact that
they can't afford good clothes.
“That,
my sister just shows how self-conscious you are if you believe that. I'm
assuming, based on what you have said, that everyone who has bad hair feels
worthless in life. Clearly because I have chosen not to comb my hair I
have very low self-esteem.
Evidenced
by that fact that I am consistently called arrogant and because I am able to
assert myself, which leads our parents to believe I am argumentative.
You
should think of women who get breast implants and the debate surrounding that.”
“So
what if mama takes us somewhere, what if she takes us to her office or or
Auntie Ludo's house? What would they think of our mother?
“Isn't
that up to the people? Why should they think that I'm a terrible child and that
my mother is terrible, solely based on my hair? Is a child abused at home
simply because they break their arm because they took their fun too far?”
“But
people see us based on you as well! Do you know how many times my
friends tell me that my brother is untidy because of his hair?”
“Repeat
that sentence. Did you hear that? You said they say your brother
is untidy. Not you, not my mother, your brother.”
“That
still doesn't matter.”
Second
problem again. No matter how good my rebuttals and counter-arguments were I
would be consistently ignored. Perhaps it was because I am younger. One of the
curses of African society. There's even a saying about it. 'The young know
nothing. They learn from the old.' I wonder, if Russia and the United
States were about to nuke each other over something ridiculous, like whether
Britain likes the color red more than blue (red is better). Then a child says
something like “Maybe we shouldn't bomb each other and ask Britain what they
prefer.” I'm guessing if you replace the countries with Botswana, South Africa
and Zimbabwe that the child would be aptly ignored and we would have a bigger
nuclear crisis since The Cold War. Somehow, I think this has happened somewhere
in the world.
“Do
you know of how women in extremist Islamic countries are abused? Because they lack freedom! This is me expressing my freedom without remorse! Right now you
are Germany and I am Poland. You ignore everything I say with 'it doesn't
matter.' Is it right to ignore what I am saying? Is it right to encourage the
ignorance of basing everything on appearance? Should we just let Apartheid in
South Africa? Ignore those who are 'different?' I refuse to be put in a box. I
refuse to be stigmatized because of my hair. My hair has not affected my social
interactions, my academic experiences. It does not bother me. I didn't expect
you of all people to be like this and ignore the rights of an individual.”
This
is when my uncle intervened.
“So
you want to pierce your nose and ears now?”
I
don't understand adults. How they assume one thing after another from the
smallest pieces of information, I do not get. I mean, why would I even want to
pierce myself? But then again why would I not want to comb my hair? It is a
similar situation, but that is a pretty far off assumption.
“No, I
don't want to pierce myself. I have no interest for doing so, its not for me.
If someone wants to do it though, they should be allowed to. If it doesn't
bother them, then why should it bother anyone?”
Then
my sister again.
“How
does Germany or any other country have anything to do with your hair.”
No one
seems to understand metaphors anymore. Maybe I should just be boringly
descriptive with my speech.
“Metaphor.”
I replied.
“Okay
fine, look I'm glad you are protesting for woman's rights and that but comb
your hair! It just shows that you can't handle having an afro.”
As
much as I'd like to say I was protesting woman's rights, I wasn't.
For
GOD'S SAKE.
METAPHOR.
METAPHOR.
M
E
T
A
P
H
O
R.
M-E-T-A-P-H-O-R.
METAPHOR.
And
she can't be serious. I can't 'handle' an afro? Since when is an afro
comparable to a dangerous firearm? You know what, I won't judge. It's probably
a METAPHOR.
“I can
handle an afro. That's why it is combed most of the time.”
“You
need to be disciplined. You have no discipline whatsoever.”
“Yes,
because writing at least one thing every day, doing my homework, posting on my
blog, committing to do pushups in Karate, committing to the various other
projects I do in my own time requires no discipline at all.”
“That isn't discipline.”
I
will take my dictionary with me everywhere I go. I will take my dictionary with
me everywhere I go. I will take my dictionary with me everywhere I go. I will
take my dictionary with me everywhere I go.
“Define
discipline. Because I am using the common definition. Since when is doing work.
WORK. Since when is that not a sign of discipline?”
“You
don't do chores, you don’t do...”
I
edited what she said there. It was boring.
“You
said I have no discipline at all. You didn't say that I do not have
discipline in those areas. If you did, then what argument could I have
countered with? Obviously that is true. Why I am arguing this point, about my
hair, is because I don't appreciate being told to do something that encourages
the ignorance of society (in this case, our obsession with appearance).”
My
uncle decided to intervene again.
“You
need to build up discipline to-”
Hold
up.
Because
I do work, write stories, and am working to my goal to be a good author,
I have no discipline and it needs to be built up? Yes I don't do chores, but at
the very least I do something. They are plenty of kids who quite
frankly, do shit. And you shout at me, despite the amount of times I've
come back home with near-perfect scores on tests besides my language? Pupils
who have received an award for first in class FIVE TIMES IN A ROW have no
discipline?
Back
again.
“You
need to build up discipline to-”
You
know what hold up again.
I get
shouted at by my parents for reading AND writing. Doesn't that
just KILL my discipline altogether? I'm surprised I haven't rebelled and
started to defect from my religion.
Oh
wait, I did both while still reading and writing. (With just a bit, a
BIT of less reading.)
Back
again.
“You
need to build up discipline to-”
Hold
up once again. I am beginning to get the sense that no one listens to the positive
things that teachers have to say about me. Yes, I'm arrogant but I still
get good grades and I'm not outwardly rude to the teachers unless I have to
argue about something which I don't feel is right.
Back
again.
“You
need to build up discipline to be a better person. How are you going to go to
work with hair like that? You will be fired.”
Then
my sister added that:
“Are
you going to wear jeans to work?”
Please,
I've worn jeans
to school.
“Whom
may I ask the both of you is going to fire me at this current point in time?”
And of
course there was silence.
Then
my sister and came up with a point about my hair in Karate that is difficult to
argue. They said I go with my hair uncombed to Karate. And Karate is all about
discipline. Now at this point they still failed to realize the whole thing
about discipline that I tried to tell them.
Here
are my reasons why my hair doesn't matter at Karate, because I actually do Karate.
It's
about:
self-worth
(point made earlier)
strength
(I'm not Solomon, so my hair doesn't have anything to do with my strength,
physical or otherwise)
Discipline
(who said it was in terms of appearance only?)
self-defense
(I rarely get into fights anyways, and if I do, I pick them well)
My
other two reasons, which aren't all that great, are:
It
isn't called Hair-rate [chuckle-chuckle]
My
sensei doesn't give a damn about my hair, he cares about how many
pushups I can do, whether I'm a good student or not, if I can defend myself,
which is kinda like the whole fucking point.
SO
THERE.
Next
time my hair uncombed, just know that it isn't because I have no self-esteem.
It is because I really don't care how I look, so either worry about it and
leave me alone, or get over it and don't judge me based solely on how I look.
Judge me based on how many big words I use in a minute, that's what most people
do anyways (please don't, that actually hurts me).
Oh and
if my hair is uncombed it is probably because I'm too lazy to comb it (I just
contradicted a page and a half's worth of the 'discipline' I was fighting for.
.jpg/220px-Graduation_(album).jpg)
